Why I Ask Clients to Use a Feelings Wheel

One of the first questions I ask clients in our sessions is normally, "How are you feeling?"

The answers are often surprisingly similar. "Good." "Bad." "Okay." And that's about where it ends.

The problem is that "good," "bad," and "okay" don't tell us very much.

Imagine going to a doctor and saying, "My body feels bad." The doctor would need much more information before they could help you. Are you tired? Sore? Nauseous? Dizzy? In pain?

Our emotions work the same way. When we say we're feeling "bad," we might actually be feeling hurt, rejected, disappointed, lonely, anxious, overwhelmed, frustrated, resentful, or afraid. Each of those emotions tells a very different story.

This is why I encourage clients to use a Feelings Wheel. The Feelings Wheel was developed by psychologist Dr. Gloria Willcox in the 1980s. It was designed to help people expand their emotional vocabulary and better understand what they are experiencing beneath the surface. Since then, it has become a widely used tool in coaching, counselling, therapy, education, and personal development.

The wheel helps us move beyond vague descriptions and identify what we're actually experiencing. It gives us a much richer emotional vocabulary and helps us make sense of what is happening beneath the surface. This is particularly helpful in relationships.

A conversation changes dramatically when someone says:

"I feel hurt."

instead of

"I'm angry."

Or:

"I feel unappreciated."

instead of

"I'm fine."

The more accurately we can identify our emotions, the more effectively we can communicate them.

The Feelings Wheel can also help us understand our triggers, recognise emotional patterns, and regulate our emotions more effectively. Most importantly, it helps us understand ourselves.

So next time someone asks how you're feeling, challenge yourself to go beyond "good," "bad," or "okay."

You might discover that there is much more going on than you first realised.

And that awareness is often where real growth begins.

Credit: The Feelings Wheel was created by psychologist Dr. Gloria Willcox and has since become one of the most widely used tools for developing emotional awareness and emotional literacy.