How Couples Can Benefit From Yes Day

A few days ago, I decided I wanted to try something new with Craig: a Yes Day.

The idea actually came from my sister and brother-in-law, who had been doing Yes Days with their kids. I loved the concept, but as I was listening to them talk about it, I found myself thinking, why should this only be something we do with children? What would happen if couples did it too?

So yesterday morning I said to Craig, “I think we should trial a Yes Day.” I hadn’t planned what we were going to do, and there was no carefully constructed list of activities waiting in the background. I simply wanted us to spend a day being a little more open to each other and a little less quick to say no.

Craig immediately got into the spirit of it and suggested that we jump into our much-loved Kombi and drive to Kadina. It was around a four-hour round trip, definitely not something we had planned when we woke up that morning, but that was the whole point. I had suggested Yes Day, Craig had thrown an idea into the mix, and instead of finding all the reasons why we shouldn’t, we just went with it.

What I loved was that it didn’t become a day where one of us was in charge and the other had to obediently agree to everything. It quickly became something we were doing together. We both made suggestions along the way, we both said yes to things, and the day seemed to unfold as we went. We stopped where we felt like stopping, changed plans, followed little ideas and generally allowed ourselves to be more spontaneous than we might normally be.

By the time we were heading home, I realised that this was something I wanted us to do again. Not necessarily the drive to Kadina, although that was great. What I wanted to repeat was the feeling of the day which was being open, playful and willing to follow each other’s ideas without automatically shutting them down. And that got me thinking about rituals in relationships.

Long-term relationships can become very practical

When you have shared a life with someone for a long time, you become very good at managing things together. There are bills to pay, shopping to do, work commitments, family responsibilities, household jobs and endless conversations about what needs to happen next. There is nothing wrong with any of that. In fact, being able to manage life together is an important part of a strong relationship. The problem comes when the practical side of the relationship starts taking up so much space that we forget to enjoy each other.

Without really noticing it, the person we once explored the world with can become the person we mainly discuss the calendar, dinner and household jobs with.

That is one of the reasons I think rituals are so important in long-term relationships. They create little pockets of time where the relationship gets to be more than the administration of everyday life. A ritual can be anything that the two of you come to recognise as ours. It might be Sunday morning coffee in bed, walking the dog together after dinner, a Friday night takeaway, a yearly weekend away, or something ridiculous that would make absolutely no sense to anyone else.

The activity itself does not have to be extraordinary. What matters is the meaning you give it and the fact that it becomes part of the story of your relationship.

Maybe Yes Day could be one of those rituals.

What would a Couples Yes Day actually look like?

There is no single way to do it, and after our first attempt I actually think that is part of the appeal.

One option is to choose a day where one partner gets to make the suggestions and the other agrees to be as open as possible to saying yes. Then, another time, you swap so that each partner gets a turn.

Another option is the way Craig and I ended up doing it: both of you make suggestions throughout the day and both of you make an effort to say yes more often.

I really like that version because it becomes less about one person getting their own way and more about creating an attitude of openness between you.

You might say, “Let’s go somewhere we haven’t been before,” or “Let’s stop here for lunch,” or “Come and sit outside with me for half an hour.” Instead of immediately thinking about why you don’t feel like it, why it isn’t convenient or why you would rather stay home, you make a deliberate effort to consider saying yes.

Sometimes that tiny change is enough to create a completely different interaction.

Yes Day still needs boundaries

Before you start, it is worth having a conversation about what Yes Day means for the two of you, particularly if the idea of agreeing to things makes either partner nervous.

You can absolutely put some parameters around it.

You might agree on how much money you are comfortable spending, how far you are willing to travel, what time you need to be home, or anything that is completely off the table.

And I want to be very clear about something: Yes Day does not override consent.

Nobody should ever feel pressured into something sexual, physical, financial or emotionally uncomfortable because their partner announces that they have to say yes.

That would completely undermine the purpose of the exercise.

For me, the intention is not you have to say yes to me. It is let’s both practise being more open to each other today.

If something does not feel right, you can still say, “I’m not comfortable with that, but I’d be happy to do this instead,” or “Can we save that one for another time?”

Being able to set a boundary and trust that your partner will respect it is part of emotional safety in a relationship, and that safety matters far more than any game or ritual.

There is actually relationship science behind this

One of the reasons I think Yes Day has potential is that it lines up with something relationship researchers have been studying for years: the importance of couples continuing to have new experiences together.

Psychologist Arthur Aron and his colleagues have found that couples who take part in novel and engaging activities together can experience greater relationship satisfaction and closeness.

It makes sense when you think about the beginning of a relationship. In the early stages, there is so much discovery built into being together. You are learning about each other, going to new places, meeting new people, hearing new stories and having experiences together for the first time.

As relationships mature, life naturally becomes more predictable. Predictability can be comforting and secure, but relationships also benefit from moments that bring back some curiosity and newness.

You do not need to book an overseas holiday or throw yourself out of a plane to create that feeling. Sometimes novelty is simply doing something you would not normally do on a Saturday morning because your partner suggested it and you decided to go along for the ride.

There is also a body of research around responsiveness in relationships: the experience of feeling that your partner notices you, understands you and cares about what matters to you.

When your partner says, “Come and do this with me,” and you occasionally respond with genuine interest rather than automatically shutting the invitation down, you are doing more than agreeing to an activity. You are communicating, you matter to me, and I am interested in sharing your world.

Of course, that does not mean saying yes to everything. It means noticing how often we might be saying no without even thinking about it.

You might be surprised by how automatic “no” becomes

Long-term couples can fall into very predictable patterns without even realising it.

One partner says, “Want to go for a drive?” and the response is, “Not really.”

“Do you want to go out for breakfast?”

“I can’t be bothered.”

“Come and sit outside with me for a bit.”

“I’m watching this.”

None of those responses is terrible in isolation. Sometimes you genuinely are tired, busy or simply do not want to do something.

But if we are not careful, “no” can become our default response to our partner’s attempts to connect.

That matters because many bids for connection do not look particularly important in the moment. They often arrive disguised as very ordinary invitations: come and look at this, sit with me, come for a walk, listen to this story, let’s go somewhere.

Yes Day gives you a playful reason to notice those invitations and respond differently.

Your Yes Day can be whatever your relationship needs

The other thing I like about this idea is that it does not have to be purely about adventure.

You could have a fun Yes Day where you go somewhere new, eat somewhere different, explore your own city or do things you would normally talk yourselves out of.

You could have a connection-focused Yes Day where the suggestions are as simple as going for a walk, sitting together without your phones, cooking something together or looking through old photographs.

You could even have a very practical Yes Day where you finally tackle some of those things you have been meaning to do together. Maybe one of you has wanted help sorting the garage, hanging pictures, changing a room around or starting a project that keeps getting postponed. Get it done together, then reward yourselves with lunch somewhere nice.

It does not really matter what you choose.

The important part is that it feels collaborative and that the day gives both of you an opportunity to be more responsive to each other.

Please don’t use Yes Day as a trap

If you decide to try this, there is one thing I would strongly suggest you avoid: using the day to get your partner to do something you already know they hate.

If you know your partner is terrified of heights, Yes Day is probably not the moment to reveal that you have booked skydiving and announce that they promised to say yes.

It is also not a test of love. Your partner should never have to prove that they care about you by ignoring their own boundaries or doing something they genuinely do not want to do.

Instead, approach the day with this question in mind:

What could I invite my partner into that might create a good experience for us?

That feels very different from, what can I finally get them to agree to?

One creates connection. The other creates pressure.

Relationships need friendship as much as they need good communication

In my work with couples, I spend a lot of time talking about communication, emotional safety, conflict patterns and learning how to navigate difficult conversations. Those skills are incredibly important, particularly when a couple has become stuck in a negative cycle.

But relationships cannot survive on serious conversations alone.

There also needs to be friendship, humour, curiosity, shared experiences and moments where you simply enjoy being together.

Some of the strongest connections are built in the very ordinary moments that eventually become part of your shared history. They are the stories that start with, “Remember when we decided to…” and suddenly you are both laughing because nobody else understands why that is so funny.

That is what our first Yes Day gave us.

I suggested we trial the idea, Craig suggested we take the Kombi to Kadina, and from there the day became ours. We both contributed to it, we both kept saying yes, and we came home having spent a day actually enjoying being together rather than simply getting through everything that needed to be done.

And that is why I think Yes Day is going to become a ritual for us.

So if your relationship has been feeling a little too predictable lately, maybe try one of your own. Talk about the boundaries beforehand, decide how you want your version to work, keep consent firmly in the picture and then give yourselves permission to be a little more spontaneous, curious and open to each other.

You do not need to travel four hours in a Kombi to make it work.

You just need two people who are willing, for a little while, to see what happens when the answer is a little more often:

“Yes, why not?”

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